If I were ethnic, I would call it carnitas. For me, it's vaguely spicy shredded pork.

Another food-type substance for all you folks at home. I've got another simple, no-measuring type of recipe. I do love making a complete dinner without having to dirty a single measuring implement, don't you?

This is another food that makes use of one of my favorite kitchen tools: the slow cooker. You'll notice a theme here, and it involves me not having to do much in the way of cooking when I'm cooking. If you've been reading this blog faithfully (and why wouldn't you be?) you will see that I made a post about a BBQ-esque pork product. This is based off of a very similar principle, so you'll get some repetition in here.

You need a sack o' pork to start with. I like the 'pork tenderloin' in the plastic sleeve thingy you can get at the grocery store. It's cheap, tender, and works well in my one quart crock. Grab one of these wiley devils.

You also need seasonings. I'm a fan of garlic, Lowry's seasoned salt and green Tabasco. The green Tabasco isn't as hot as the red, and that's good for me, considering that my tongue is about as tough as wet, single-ply toilet paper. It also has a really good flavor to it. If you haven't tried it before, do yourself a flavor and give it a go. I totally just said flavor instead of favor, didn't I? Entirely unintentional, I assure you. In any case, this is pretty much it for seasonings.

Like with the BBQ, you can use an optional half can of chicken broth. It works better in this recipe than the BBQ one, so I do tend to use it here.

Okay, drop your pork in your slow cooker, pour in your broth, and sprinkle on your garlic powder (or real garlic if you're willing to spend more than 5 minutes preparing dinner) and your seasoned salt in pretty reasonable quantities. You're not going for full coverage here, but you'll want a fair bit of this in the mix when this piggy's cooking. Now, go to freakin' town on the green Tabasco. I think I use probably a quarter to half a bottle on this every time I make this for dinner. This part is up to you, but I tend towards heavy coverage. That doesn't mean tabasco on every visible piece of meat, but it does mean a pretty thorough splotching. First off, the stuff isn't all that spicy, so you're not going to blow the top of your head off with it, no matter what you do. Second, you're going to have a lot of liquid in here, and this stuff will get pretty well diluted in the juices when the moisture starts moving around. Use your judgement. You can always start light and add more later if you want.

Really open this baby up and let it ride at low for 8 hours (or 4 hours on high) with a flip and reapplication in the middle. Again, you can just get both sides when you put it in there the first time if this isn't an option. Take your two forks to it, getting it shredded pretty finely. It'll be really tender, so you shouldn't have any problems with it. Now, you can throw some more seasonings and Tabasco in (if you want). Either way, stir it all up in the bottom and let it go for another 20 minutes or so. You can take this time to warm up some taco shells in the oven, or steam some tortillas for burritos (a rice cooker will often have plenty of space left in the top for you to put a couple tortillas after the rice is mostly done cooking, and the steam will get them nice and soft, just like at Chipotle or whatever), or put some cheese on some chips in preparation for nachos. Really, any vaguely Mexican food that requires meat will work with this stuff. I once dropped little bits of this into egg roll wrappers and deep fried them, giving me tiny chimichangas. Delicious!

That's the whole thing! Super easy. Use forks or tongs to serve, and shake some of the excess juice out of it. It'll be pretty slippery, but the extra juiciness goes extremely well with crunchy taco shells or tortilla chips or whatever. Enjoy!

Sort of BBQ

True barbecue involves smoke, I'm told. At least fire, maybe a grill. Certainly not a slow cooker. Right? Wrong, son! Well, actually, yes. You can't make real BBQ without leaving your kitchen, I'm thinking. But you can make some darn tasty food with very little fuss that will very nearly pass as BBQ among those who aren't too keen on semantics.

Let's get rolling! You're going to need a few things first. Some meat. I like pork, but you can use chicken or beef, too. You'll want about a pound of it, no bones. They sell a pork tenderloin wrapped in plastic at most grocery stores. That works well.

You need sauce, too. I like Sweet Baby Ray's Honey BBQ sauce, but you can use whatever you like.

I also like to pump some extra flavor into the mix with some hickory seasoning, some Lowry's seasoned salt, some brown sugar and some honey.

I have gone two ways with added liquid. Adding about half a can of chicken broth gives the pork something to stew in, but this baby is also going to give off a lot of moisture on its own. if you put too much liquid in there at the beginning, you end up with pork stew. Try it a few times with different amounts of liquid and see how you like it. I've found that the pork does just fine without any liquid, but it's up to you.

You also need a platform. I'm a big fan of those egg buns, but really any large-style hamburger bun will work. I like mine buttered and toasted under the broiler, but you can do what you will with them. Note that a thin layer of mayo or Miracle Whip on the bottom bun will keep it from getting overly soggy and will taste really freakin' good as a bonus.

You should be good! If you're getting the feeling that this will be a very sweet piece o' meat, you are correct, sir. I don't much go in for spice, and my tendencies in the BBQ realm show that loud and clear.

That's it for software. Hardware means a slow cooker of some sort. For the wife and me, I generally use our little one quart crock pot. It holds the one pound tenderloin with a little room for liquid and stuff, and just enough space left over to shred it all up when you're done. We get two meals out of it, generally. For more folks, you need a bigger cooker. Keep in mind that you want the cooker to be relatively full so you don't have a pile of meat sitting in the middle of a wide expanse of ceramic. If you can't eat enough pork to fill your cooker, just freeze some of it when you're done.

So here we go with the cooking. You need at least 4 hours from beginning to end with this, and preferably 8, so plan ahead. Take your pork out of the package and pull off any noticeable fat chunks. You can leave them on if you like, but I tend to pull mine off. If you're going to pour chicken broth in here, now's the time. With a 1 quart slow cooker, I don't use more than half a can. Now you can sprinkle on your seasonings. I go heavy with brown sugar, pretty light with the hickory and Lowry's, and reasonable on the honey. You're not aiming to cover every square inch of this thing, just get a little flavor in there for it to work on while it cooks. Put the lid on, and crank it all the way up to low (if you're cooking for 8 hours) or high (for 4 hours).

Let it sit for half the cook time (this can rather handily be done while you're at work in the morning, if you are lucky enough to be able to go home for lunch) then flip it over and hit the underside with the same spices and whatnot. If you can't do this, it isn't the end of the world. You can just hit both sides of the thing when you first put it in the cooker and get the same effect. I like the halfway check so I can make sure everything's looking good. Let it sit for the other half of the cook time.

Now you get to go Raphael on this little piggy with two forks. Shred it up into pretty small chunks. Remember you're putting it on a sandwich, so you don't want any pieces in there bigger than you'd want to bite into. I tend to shred mine up really well, to make it "smooth" or whatever. Now that it's shredded, you can bring in the sauce. Keep in mind that you've had this thing cooking for a while and it'll already have a lot of juice in it. You've also already got a fair amount of flavor in there from your seasonings. You want enough sauce to get your meat slippery (not like that, you dirty freak). Too little makes for a dry sandwich and too much makes for a drippy mess. Just add and stir until it looks like it'll hold together on a sandwich without dripping out the sides.

Let this sit for another 15-20 minutes while you get your buns ready (you really need to see a psychologist regarding all these inappropriate thoughts you're having about perfectly innocent recipe-speak). I like toasted bread, specifically buttery toasted bread. A little of your favorite butter-like substance (real butter is always a good choice in my book) on the top and bottom and a minute or so under the broiler (Never ever EVER leave these unattended. Tasty buttery bread turns to charcoal in no time at all under your broiler.) until they're tasty golden brown. Slather a little mayo or mayo-like substance on both sides and introduce the two pieces of bread to delicious pig filling. Enjoy!