Burgers!

Many of you have had these, and I have rarely gotten anything but compliments on them. I even had one lady at my company picnic tell me they were the best burgers she'd ever had, which was cool. They're kind of complicated (more like tiny flat meatloaf than a regular burger, I guess), but they turn out very well, so it's worth it in the end.

You need beef, first off. I like 93/7 ground beef, but I've made these with everything from 80/20 to 97/3 and they don't seem to care much. I have noticed that the higher the fat ratio of the burgers, the more likely they are to shrink on the grill. I tend to work with a pound of this stuff and the ratios of everything else are based on that.

You'll need one egg, lightly beaten. Not whipped or anything, just homogenized more or less. You want it to mix into the rest of the stuff smoothly without great honking chunks of yolk anywhere.

You'll also need some bread crumbs. I'm a bread crumbs in a can guy, and I like the Italian seasoned kind.

For taste, I like some teriyaki (sometimes, I use the purple-capped garlic teriyaki instead of regular, but it can be hard to find), some garlic powder (if using regular teriyaki), some hickory flavoring, a couple big pinches of kosher salt, some more of those generalized Italian flakes in a can, and a little tiny bit of extra virgin olive oil to get everything nice and squishy.

Throw all of this into a big bowl. As far as amounts go, I start with the meat and the egg, add the seasonings and the olive oil and get it mixed up. I use my hands with smaller amounts, and I try not to really beat it up if I can help it. Then I throw in breadcrumbs until I get to the right consistency. You're looking for something wet enough to hang together, but also dry enough to hang together. The bread crumbs are sort of a stabilizer. They add some structure to the whole mix, and keep it from being a goopy mess. They also give the burgers a better texture. Don't ask me how any of this works, I just made burgers like this one time and it worked so I stuck with it. There was no science involved.

Now that you've got this all set, you can start forming patties. Keep your hands cool while you do this, and don't beat your meat. Be gentle. If you rough it up, the burgers get defensive and scrunch up into little balls on the grill. You want nice flat burgers, right? Rinse your hands with cold water periodically to keep the heat from getting into your burgers and use light patting and squishing to flatten them out. Once they're flat, you can lay them out on a plate with some waxed paper between layers and head to your grill.

That's about as far as I go here, because your grill is your own business. If you don't know how to cook burgers on it, you should take it back to the store and get a McDonald's gift card or something. I will tell you not to squish the burgers on the grill, at least. They make an incredibly satisfying sizzle, but that sizzle is all the juiciness of your burger burning away. Resist the urge.

Enjoy and, as always, feel free to ask any questions you have.