Lasagna

Yo yo yo! Well, as many of you know, I like to cook. I've come to it rather recently, but I really enjoy it and am continually expanding my repertoire of deceptively simple recipes. Actually, that's a bad description. They aren't recipes, as such. There is very little measuring involved, and I leave a fair bit of wiggle room. In any case, this is the first of probably several lists of ingredients that can conceivably end up as food, with a little bit of your help.

Jared's Super Simple Lasagna

First, you need a lasagna pan. I don't mean a $400 specialty 5-layer aluminum-clad monstrosity, I mean something vaguely quadrilateral, with sides higher than 2.5" ideally. You could make this in a square cake pan, but taller sides means more layers and more layers are what lasagna is all about. I picked up a roasting pan at Ross for under $10 and it has served me faithfully for a good long while. I would suggest stainless, and avoid non-stick as you're going to be cutting and scraping to get the first few pieces out. Pyrex would also be great if you could get one with high enough sides.

So, once you get your pan, you need to get your noodles. I have used the boily noodles exclusively to this point, but never again! I went to a friend's house and she used the non-boil kind and they were fantastic. It takes the only pain in the ass part out of making lasagna. So from now on, no more boily noodles for me. What you need to do is to get a few packages of your noodles of choice, bust them open and start laying them out in your clean, dry pan. This is going to show you how many you need and how they should be placed for maximum coverage. Keep in mind that you may well need several packages to get the coverage you want for the pan you have with the number of layers you need.

Okay, now that you have noodles, you need sauce. I'm a jar sauce man. Yes, I know I can make my own sauce. Yes, I'm aware that would be way more impressive. No, I don't give a shiny poop. All I care about is minimizing the amount of time that lasagna is not in my mouth. So get some sauce. Two jars is generally enough for me, but you can make do with less if you have a smaller pan (mine's 9" x 13" or something, and maybe 3" high). Take one jar of sauce and just leave it on the counter. The other jar is going to go into the mix with our next ingredient: cowflesh!

Take a pound of ground beef (or Italian sausage if you like) and brown it up in the bottom of a 2-quart pan. Why not use a skillet, you say? Because once the beef is all brown, you dump the jar of sauce in there, reduce the heat and pop a lid on that bad boy. I drain the fat off of my beef first, but since I tend to use super lean beef (97/3 or so) there often isn't enough to worry about it. This is the meat sauce portion of our show, and it'll show up again later. I tend to keep my heat on just above low, to get the meat and the sauce to play nice together.

What, you say one pound of meat isn't enough for one lasagna? I am forced to agree. My other meat of choice is pepperoni. Pepperoni goes with lasagna like Michael Jackson goes with 8-year old boys: disturbingly well. I prefer the big deli slices, myself. They're pretty thin and you can get good coverage without a ton of overlap. So get yourself a package of these.

Let's see...what else...of yeah, cheese! You're going to want a one-pound (16 fl. oz) container of part skim ricotta cheese (you'll never taste the difference, and you can feel a little better about this next part) , a pound of mozzarella and like half a pound of one of those Italian cheese mixes everyone makes.

You also need an egg. I don't know why, you just do. Beat that egg like it stole your bike.

Now you put your ricotta, your mozzarella and your egg into a big bowl and mix it all up until it's nice and goopy. This works a lot better with your ricotta cheese closer to room temp, so let it sit out a bit before you start. This is now your delicious cheese filling.

We have all the parts, let's put these bad boys together! Take your pan and put a bit of your fresh sauce in the bottom. You don't need a ton, just enough to get a little bit spread out to all your corners and everything. Start laying down noodles. Get yourself a full layer on the bottom and then start with the cheese. keep in mind you're going to have to make this cheese last so don't go nuts, but get a good layer in there. Maybe half your cheese should go in on this step. It sticks together like all get-out, so you'll probably just end up taking little clumps and plopping them next to each other. This'll all melt together and take on a normal shape in the oven. The oven?! Pre-heat that beautiful death machine to 375, as it should have just enough time to get warm while you finish constructing this monster.

You've got a layer of noodles and a layer of cheese. That cheese is simply begging for a noodle-blanket, so slap one on there. You can kinda mash down with the noodles to smooth out the cheese if you want, just don't break your noodles. Now you can put down a layer of your meat sauce. I generally put pretty much my whole meat sauce thing in the one layer, so just go to town. Make sure there aren't too many big clumps of meat or anything, then toss on another noodle layer. Another layer of cheese should finish off your supply, and you can drop your pepperoni on top here. Just get a good solid layer on here, but don't worry about overlapping too much. More noodles, I say!

Now you've got a pretty solid lasagna. All that's left to do is to pour the remaining sauce on top, then put that half pound of various Italian cheeses on there. Now that's a beautiful thing. Cover the top with heavy-duty foil, pop it into the oven for like 30 minutes, then bust it out, take off the foil and give it another 15 so you get some browning. take it out and let it set a little. I normally can't keep from eating it right away, but it doesn't hold together well. if you let it rest for 15-20 minutes, it'll set decently, and 30 minutes would be even better.

So there you have it! A lasagna without dirtying a single measuring spoon or cup. List of stuff to follow.

1 pound ground beef or Italian sausage
1 pound Mozarella cheese
1 16 oz container ricotta cheese
8 oz Italian cheese blend
1 package deli-style pepperoni slices
1 egg
2 24-oz jars spaghetti sauce (I like something with cheese in it, but I'm a cheese fiend)
Noodles (depends on your pan, but probably two packages)

That's all there is to it! This thing in my pan, with the suggested layers, will feed an entire office of hungry people. I think it easily served no fewer than 12, potentially 15. Keep in mind that most of the ingredients in this thing are measured in pounds. One piece will sate even the heartiest of appetities. If you have a short pan, you can cut out a cheese layer. If you have a tall pan, you can add another ground beef layer, or even another ground beef layer and another cheese layer. Keep in mind that variations take work and experimentation. You're not going to make something with all this stuff and have it turn out really horrible, so trying it a few times to get it how you like it isn't the end of the world.

Let me know how it works for you, and please feel free to ask me if you have any questions.